January 16, 2018

Give Yourself A Holiday Gift!

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

 

sexy after cancer, cancer and sexuality, cancer and intimacy, sex after cancer

As a longtime sex educator and breast cancer survivor, my path gives me the great gift of talking with many women about their sex lives before, during and after cancer diagnosis and treatment. I hear some stories of inspiration and hope, and many more of frustration and pain. A familiar story goes something like this: “My sex life was okay before cancer/I took my sex life for granted. Now I’d rather stick a needle in my eye than have sex with my partner because it’s so painful. My libido has gone missing and I don’t know how to get it back or if I even want to…”

It’s heart wrenching. At the same time, our sexual energy is our life force energy. It’s the energy of life and living, of pleasure and orgasm and oxytocin. Whether it’s a distant memory or the subject of your fantasies, sex is part of life. The question is what can be done to recover it.

Go figure why this has become my life’s passion, to help women find their way back to sexual health and pleasure. It’s time for this conversation to come into the light of day. I aim to turn on the lights and bring more pleasure to your life.

The chasm from where you may be now, to having sex, may seem as enormous as the Grand Canyon. Depending on your treatment and ongoing hormonal therapy, you may have a Sahara Desert inside your genitals. The treatments are designed to suppress any hormone production, and that also dries out and tenderizes genital tissues.

Hormones are part of the story, but not the whole story. There are plenty of things to do that can help. It begins with some of the sex education that you probably never got. For example, you have nerve endings and plenty of erectile tissue that doesn’t depend on hormones and isn’t in your vagina. Did you know that?

Over the decades since my own cancer diagnosis at age 37, I’ve been researching and gathering all sorts of information and tools. And of course, I’ve had to test them all – lucky me!

I’m teaming up with the creator of one of my favorite products to share this wisdom. We’ve created a 6-week online course, Opening Pandora’s Box ~ The Sex Education You Never Got. Our vision is for women to experience:

  • Improved sexual pleasure
  • Better sex with your partner (if you have one)
  • Deeper understanding of what feels good to you
  • Once again (or for the first time) get to know your body
  • Enjoy self-pleasuring
  • Experience relief from vaginal and sexual pain
  • Have more fun again (both in and out of the bedroom)

This class is a pilot and we are limiting it to 30 women. We are offering the class at this one time only price of $97 so we can work closely with all participants and get feedback.

Use the link below to learn more about the class and to register. We begin on January 18 and go for 6 weeks. Be one of our 30!

www.opendingpandorasbx.com

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Getting Your Sexy Back with Breast Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Dear Friends,

I’ve just completed an hour-long show with Breast Friends, all about body image and self-esteem, loss of sensation as a result of lumpectomy and radiation or mastectomy, how chemo and hormonal therapies impact libido, how to get your sexy back and much more. We covered many bases in an honest and real conversation. I’m including the link here so that you can listen to the conversation because it was that good! Please feel free to download and listen at your convenience, and feel free to share it. It’s full of solutions to many of the challenges to sexual function that happen as a result of cancer treatments.

Do yourself a favor and educate yourself about your own body and pleasure. Most of us didn’t have good sex education early on and weren’t taught about pleasure. There is so much pleasure to be experienced and cancer is a great opportunity to learn about that.

Sexy After Cancer?

If you have questions or comments, ask them here and I’ll respond as quickly as I can.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

My Favorite Lubes for Cancer, Sexuality, Menopause and Vaginal Dryness

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays Blog, Cancer and Sexuality, Intimacy After Cancer

Let’s Talk About Cancer, Sex and Lubes

Last weekend I was at a cancer conference and a colleague presented about lubricants for use by cancer patients and survivors. There was some good information given and some wrong information given. I shared that there’s an article about lubricants on my website www.sexyaftercancer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Guidlines-for-Selecting-Lubricants.pdf.

Check out the article. It talks about ingredients to avoid in lubricants, how to choose a lubricant and has a chart about several different lubes including pH, intended use, and safety with latex, and rubber.

Please do NOT use Replens. Many health care providers recommend it, and it contains Purified Water, Glycerin, Mineral Oil, Polycarbophil, Carbomer 934P, Hydrogenated Palm Oil Glyceride, Sorbic Acid, Methylparaben, Sodium Hydroxide. Glycerin may injure kidneys at high concentrations per OSHA; Carbomer 934P is manufactured using benzene. Methylparaben has suspected estrogenic effects; sodium hydroxide is another term for lye. This product is questionable for vaginal use and widely prescribed. You have many much better options. Read on!

People asked me about my recommendations and I have several, listed here in no particular order:

  • I love Sex Butter! This product is formulated using plant-based oils and there’s something about it that really works for me. When I use this with a partner and we take the time to thoroughly apply and massage it into my tissues and “warm me up”, I really enjoy penetrative sex play with NO pain. This is a big deal and I am a shameless poster girl for this product. Using Sex Butter regularly has helped to heal my vaginal dryness and tenderness.

I invite you to try it out. Here’s my affiliate link, if you use this I will gratefully receive a small commission.

Http://tinyurl.com/sexbutter

The only caveat with this product is that it’s not for use with latex, rubber or plastic toys because of the oils. If you try this product, let me know how you like it, and you will be supporting a good friend’s business.

  • Sliquid Organics Botanically Infused is another favorite choice. This lube is a moisturizing lube, which means that it aids in returning moisture to vulvar and vaginal tissue. Many women experience vaginal dryness and atrophy as a result of cancer treatments (chemo and hormonal therapies especially). This product is latex, rubber and plastic friendly. I use it daily externally and internally to keep my tissues moist and soft. I use it right along with Sex Butter.
  • Aloe Cadabra has organic aloe vera as the main ingredient. The high concentration of aloe makes it soothing. This one is also latex, rubber and plastic friendly.
  • Almost Naked Personal Lubricant by Good Clean Love contains 95% organic and natural ingredients. It’s also latex, rubber and plastic friendly. The only thing I don’t like about this product is that it gets a little too sticky after about 15 minutes. For me, this can cause some friction that doesn’t feel good. I can remedy this with a little spray bottle of water, but that can get a bit messy. If you like water sports, that may not be an issue for you.
  • Sliquid Silk Intimate Hybrid Lubricant contains vegan ingredients and also some silicone. Silicone makes tissues slippery, which can be a big benefit with penetrative sex play. This product is formulated to provide moisture and then to seal in the moisture with the silicone.

If you find this helpful, please share it with others. And let me know your experience and also what products you like. I’m always researching for great new information to share and your experience is a big help with this.

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Make Love to Your Skin!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Many things change in unexpected ways when cancer is in your story, including your skin. It’s time to take the next step into loving yourself and creating deeper intimacy and love, and it begins with loving your skin. Stan in front of the mirror, looking into your eyes, knowing that you are your lover for life. Say, “I love you” as you look into your eyes. Then begin to gently stroke your face, exploring your skin and what feels good and brings you pleasure. You have lots of nerve endings in your fingertips and in your skin, so get curious and get to know your skin. As you touch your face, notice what feels good and what doesn’t. What type of touch brings you the most pleasure? Is it strokes as light and soft and butterfly wings, light raking with your fingernails, firmer touch, little taps, or something else? Experiment and get to know yourself now. Check out the video below for some ideas, and please feel free to share what you discover. Wishing you a Sexy Saturday!

 

I love your comments and feedback, so please let me know if this tool is useful for you.

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Cancer and Energetic Sex

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

 

If you haven’t heard of energetic sex, it’s not what you may be thinking! It’s not about acrobatics and feeling like a pretzel, although you may feel quite softened by the experience as well as energized. Energetic sex is about knowing that we have a larger energy body that includes out physical body, and is much more than that. It’s subtle and worth exploring. This video talks about a way to have energetic sex. This is a great practice, especially if you experience physical challenges as a result of cancer treatments, are in treatment or have other physical challenges. There’s no reason to stop intimate and erotic pleasure, and this is a fabulous way to continue to enjoy your sexual life.

 

 

I urge you to experiment with this practice and share your experiences. We all learn from each other on this journey!

 

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer

The Report from NWSC ~ All the News about Cancer and Sex!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

 

 

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, cancer and sex, breast cancer, cancer and intimacy, cancer and sexual health

Last weekend I was in Nashville to attend the second National Women’s Survivors Convention ~ My Second Act! We rocked it at the Gaylord Opryland Resort, which is the biggest hotel I’ve ever stayed in. It’s like a town, complete with botanical gardens, all under a big glass dome. I got lost several times and got plenty of exercise walking around the sprawl of it.

About 700 women with all types of cancer attended. I saw some friends I made last year and met many new ones. Hearing their stories cracked my heart wide open ~ 3 sisters all diagnosed with breast cancer within a very short time; a 5-time survivor; and so many life turning points. There were tears, laughter and lots of love. I heard many women say that now they don’t feel so alone on this journey, having met others at this event.

The three-day event kicked off with a red carpet premiere of “Decoding Annie Parker,” which is about the discovery of the BRCA-2 breast genetic structure. A busload of fans went from the Gaylord to celebrate the film and Anne Parker was there. Women streamed in from 49 states during the next 2 days.

A combination of keynote speakers (Bill and Giuliana Rancic, Emme and lots of musicians); cool and informational workshops (navigating insurance and finances, nutrition, intimacy and sexuality, fear of recurrence and man more); a 5K walk/race; a hall of vendors with great products, books and services; and lots of time to connect, all added up to an abundance of opportunities.

There were many highlights, and the one that touched my heart most was the “My Second Act” evening. This was 12 women survivors, each speaking for 5 minutes about their journey and how cancer has opened up the second act of their lives. I was so moved by the courage, heart and passion of each woman. And this part of the event will go on the road. Watch for information in your city about the opportunity to submit an essay and then share the stage and spotlight with a group of truly extraordinary women.

I gave 2 workshops on intimacy and sexuality ~ “It’s Not Over!” and “The Best is Yet to Come!” Both workshops were SRO and got great reviews. Many women attended both and several brought their husbands along to the second workshop. If you’ve ever heard me speak or teach, you know that I’m not a “talking head.” My events include a lot of participation and experiences. It’s much more meaningful to everyone. I had people kissing each other on the cheek and saying, “It’s time to wake up, Sleeping Beauty.” They looked into each other’s eyes and created spiritual intimacy. We talked about cancer and body image, lubricants, toys, othercourse and so much more. As if that wasn’t thrilling enough, many stopped by my book table afterward to talk more personally and privately. There are so many questions about cancer, intimacy and sexuality. And I have the great gift of being able to answer questions, make suggestions and continue to do my research to bring more pleasure and intimacy to those on the cancer journey. Lucky me!

© 2014 Barbara Musser and Sexy After Cancer. Please feel free to share this content and include proper attribution.

Sexy Saturdays Sensual Strawberries

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality

 

Welcome to the new home for Sexy Saturdays! I’ve written this blog for the past 2 years for TPF and am now moving it here. I will soon move the archived blogs, nearly 100 messages filled with tips, tools, inspirations and pure pleasure. Video blogs are now part of the mix as well and here is the inaugural video!  May you discover endless ways to enhance your intimate and sexual life now that breast cancer is in the mix. My passion is for exploring sex after breast cancer, desire, intimacy, sensuality and pleasure!  Join me on this wonderful evolving journey into what it takes to wake up a sleepy libido and to open the doors for women, cancer and sexuality and create your Personal Pleasure Plan.

 

 

Your comments are welcome as well as any subject you’d like me to include in the blog. My vision is to make this a juicy place to explore the intersection of cancer and pleasure, sensuality, libido, sexuality and intimacy. It’s time for this conversation to happen and I invite you to come and play with me here. Whether you have cancer or not, your life has surely been touched by cancer ~ we all know someone with cancer. This is a big and wonderful conversation, so join in and please share this with anyone you think might benefit.  Here we go!

 

© 2014 Barbara Musser and Sexy After Cancer. Please feel free to share this content and include proper attribution.

 

 

More on the Itty Bitty Clitty and Breast Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Satrudays, breast cancer, breast cancer and sexual health, intimacy and breast cacncer

 

 

Following on the thread started last week about Cliteracy and the possibilities for women to experience more intimate and sexual pleasure through their clitoris, here are some additional facts and thoughts ~

  • All babies have the same genital tissue when they are conceived. It’s after about 12 weeks of gestation that the differentiation into a penis or labia begins. The clitoris and the penis are the same materials assembled differently, and the differentiation begins as a result of hormonal flows. The book The Female Brain by Luanne Brizendine contains some great information about how this development begins and the different phases of development for males and females.
  • The clitoris has all the parts a penis has ~ a glans, a foreskin (also known as the hood), erectile tissue and a small shaft. And the clitoris swells when aroused and becomes engorged. You know that sensation of tightness and swollenness? That’s all the erectile tissue of the clitoral system becoming engorged.
  • The only purpose of the clitoris is pleasure. It has nothing to do with reproduction. Pleasure only, and it is the only part of the body with this sole function.
  • Only about one fourth of the clitoris is visible outside the body, and the rest is inside. In addition to the clitoral head (also known as the itty bitty clitty), the hood and the shaft, the clitoris is composed of the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, glands, vestibular bulbs and the clitoral legs. Altogether this is called the clitoral system and some experts believe that the G Spot is also part of the clitoris.
  • There are different kinds of orgasms and a clitoral orgasm is the easiest for most women to achieve. Most women are not able to achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Women who know this and know their clitoris can communicate what feels good to their partner and enhance their pleasure.
  • Clitoral stimulation and pleasure varies with each woman. Some prefer soft and gentle touch and others prefer a lot of pressure. What feels good also changes during the arousal cycle. Don’t assume that you know what it takes and that it will be the same every time. Take your time to explore and get to know your unique clitoris. You can even map areas that are more responsive than others, and when during the arousal cycle. If you take the time to explore yourself alone, you’ll have a much better time educating and guiding your lover.
  • The word clitoris is from the Greek word for “key.” As you explore and begin to understand this extraordinary source of pleasure, you may find that it is a key to unlocking your pleasure possibilities.
  • Take your time to explore the entire clitoral system and ways to stimulate it. You’ll be very glad you did!

I urge you to explore and include the clitoris in your personal pleasure plan. With attention and focus you will learn what brings you pleasure and this can be a wonderful addition or alternative to penetrative genital sex play.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

A Sexy Summer Solstice Ritual

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, breast cancer and sexuality, sexual healing after breast cancer

 

 

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, breast cancer and sexual health, intimacy and sexuality and cancer, breast cancer and eroticism, breast cancer and self love

Today is the Summer Solstice ~ the day with the longest hours of daylight in the year. There are celebrations of many types happening around the world to celebrate the change in the seasons. Summer officially begins today.

I suggest a Sexy Summer Solstice Ritual for you to celebrate you as a sexy and desirable woman. It all begins with your beliefs about yourself, and what better time to explore and create some powerful and positive beliefs about yourself? Here are some ideas to inspire you to create your own special ceremony or ritual ~

  • Prepare some supplies for your ceremony. A blanket, some fresh flowers or flower petals, a sacred object that reminds you of intimacy and sensuality, some sensual poetry or other writing, your journal, some music, a pillow to sit on, anything else that intuitively feels right to you to bring along.
  • Pick a beautiful place in nature that feels beautiful and sensual to you ~ a glad in a park, a rose garden, a secluded swimming hole, whatever appeals to you.
  • Take your supplies to your place and create a sacred space for your ritual ~ lay out the blanket and other items you have brought as if you are creating an outdoor altar to honor a sacred goddess. You are and it’s you!
  • Relax in your sacred space and invite any unseen beings to join you for the ritual ~ angels, guides, teachers, ancestors, goddesses or other deities, fairies, whatever and whoever pops into your mind.
  • Sit in the center of the sacred space and feel what it feels like to be in a beautiful sanctuary created to honor you and your sensuality. Breathe and drink in all the sensations of the experience.
  • Gently close your eyes and meditate or contemplate your beauty and desirability as a sensual and sexual woman. Ask for visions, thoughts or wisdom to inspire you in this and wait for what comes. You might have feelings, thoughts, images or other sensations. Drink it all in and know that what you are receiving is just right for you.
  • Write down any inspirations or ideas in your journal so that you can remember these gifts. If you brought something to read, read it and let it inspire you further.
  • Write down some thoughts about beauty, sensuality and sexuality ~ simply begin writing and let the words flow onto the page without editing or even thinking about what’s coming out. Just let it flow.
  • Close your eyes again and create a vision of yourself as a beautiful, sensual, sexual woman ~ who is content, satisfied and happy with life and love. Write the vision in your journal and if there is an image, draw it in your journal. This is your inner wisdom guiding you.
  • Spend as much time in your sanctuary as feels right to you. When you feel complete with the ritual, thank all the beings who have been here with you, thank your inner wise woman and thank the beauty of nature that surrounds you. Slowly and mindfully pack up your things and know that you can return here any time you wish, whether in person or in your thoughts.
  • Allow this special time to nourish those deepest places in you that are thirsty for beauty, sensuality and love. Know that you are beautiful, lovable, desirable and sensual.

If you are moved to share anything about your ritual with us, please do as a way of honoring yourself and of sharing your gifts with others so that we can all benefit.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

25 Years of Great Sexual Health After Breast Cancer!

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, breast cancer and sexuality, sex after breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy

 

 

Sexy After Cancer, Barbara Musser, breast cancer, breast cancer and sexuality, intimacy and breast cancer, cancer and sexual health, sexy saturdays

This week was my 25 year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis ~ my Silver Jubilee! I’ve been reflecting on the journey, especially my intimate and sexual journey. It’s been quite and adventure with lots of twists and turns, ups and downs, and I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned along the way ~

  • The resources, strength and courage are all inside and it’s a matter of exploring the inner realms to bring them to the surface and integrate them. This is an ongoing exploration because as time passes things continue to evolve and grow. Courage begets courage; vulnerability enhances the capacity for more vulnerability.
  • It’s not a straight line to the destination, but it’s about enjoying and learning form the journey. A sense of curiosity, humor and creativity smooth the bumps, which continue to be in the path.
  • Feminine grace is innate and has nothing to do with physical appearance or age. We are all born with this and life covers it up. Being quiet and still and calling it forth, reveals it, then it can be tended like a beautiful flower in the garden of you.
  • Cancer can open portals into completely new experiences of intimacy, sensuality and sexuality. There are many more possibilities beyond penetrative genital sex and fluid exchange that are fun, pleasurable and orgasmic.
  • Defining beauty and sexiness on my terms, rather than the cultural mores, is liberating and empowering and magnetically attractive.
  • Open and honest communication about desires, needs and pleasure is highly intimate and erotic.
  • Trusting my wisdom, heart and body brings me into alignment and integrity inside and out and that is sexy.
  • I have a more satisfying and nourishing intimate and sexual life than I ever dreamed of before my cancer diagnosis.

My wish for you is that you know how beautiful, desirable, sensual and sexy you can be and that you join me on this journey of discovery. I have created a new online course called “You Are So Beautiful” to help you on this journey. Here’s a link to learn more about it ~ https://www.sexyaftercancer.com/you-are-so-beautiful-course/. I hope you give yourself this gift!

Here’s to you, Beauty.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.