December 15, 2017

We Simply Don’t Know ~ Random Thoughts on Sex and Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays Blog, Cancer and Sex

It’s been a week since my amazing friend Michele died. It was sudden and much too soon. She was a truly bright light in the world. A Reichian therapist, Michele is the one who ruthlessly and tirelessly supported me in expressing my emotions, my sexuality and the power of my orgasms. We laughed, cried, danced and shook through life like a sudden thunderstorm rolling in. We saw each other completely and we often talked about cancer and sex, about being a woman and sex, about living an orgasmic life. When we got together, tears came first because we loved each other so deeply.

Now she’s gone. The night she died I lay awake most of the night, feeling her around me, laughing and crying. At 3:30 AM I was jolted awake in the middle of a big orgasm. “That’s Michele,” I knew it. When I got up, I got the news that she took her last breath at about 3:15. I believe that she went out orgasmically.

Now more than ever, I am inspired and committed to Sexy After Cancer. This conversation is getting stronger and it’s past time for those with cancer to know that great sex is possible. You are not broken! Things are different and it’s now important to get to know your body in this state. That’s the opportunity and it’s time to get curious and open to discover pleasure in new ways.

Some of the latest research on sex and arousal shows that we have dual controls: an accelerator and brakes. We all have both and they work to either support or suppress each other. For example, one of the biggest brakes is thinking that there’s something wrong with us sexually. Cancer and treatments can result in feeling that something is very wrong sexually. That’s because the changes are sudden and traumatic, especially if we weren’t told things would change. So, many of us slammed on the brakes and don’t know what to do.

The key is to learn about accelerators and brakes, about about how to activate our accelerators and deactivate our brakes. This is good news because we can do this. When we begin to experiment with this, we explore pleasure and embodiment from a different place and perspective. We begin with discovering what your brakes are and how to deactivate them. We also explore your accelerators and how to activate them.

What I’m passionate about is finding the ways to help you recover your life force energy because that’s what sexual energy is ~ life force energy. It’s your mojo, your pleasure, your life! Let’s explore this together so that you feel sexy after cancer. The bottom line is that we simply don’t know how much longer we’ll be here. Thanks to my friend Michele, I know this and I also know that it’s always the right time to live fully and experience all the pleasure we can in as many ways as we can think of.

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer and Sex ~ A New Kind of Valentine

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Cancer and Sex, Breast Cancer, Emotional and Spiirtual Healing After Breast Cancer, Cancer and Hope, Nature cancer and sensuality, love and sex and cancer

Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark card extravaganza. It seems like the standard keeps getting higher and higher, and more and more expensive. And for those of us who are single, it’s easy to feel a little down. And with cancer in the picture, it may not feel like a time for hearts and flowers, much less intimacy and sex. Cancer and Sex in the same sentence can feel like an oxymoron.

What to do???

Take a new lover. Let nature be your lover. What do I mean by that? Take a walk in a beautiful place. As you walk, imagine that nature is loving you in each moment ~

  • With every step, feel the earth caressing and kissing your feet
  • Feel the air or breeze on your skin and know that the element of air is kissing you
  • Open your ears to hear the birds or other animals and know that they are singing their song for you
  • Sniff the scents of the earth, trees and flowers, knowing that nature wants to delight you with her aromas
  • Open your mouth and breathe in the air and notice what it tastes like, and know that this is to bring pleasure to your mouth
  • Look with new eyes, as if you are gazing upon your lover, and see the gorgeous sights that delight your visual sense
  • Imagine that it’s all designed for your pleasure and love, and know that nature is always expressing its love for you

I have made this practice part of my life, most days and in each season. When I swim I feel enveloped by the water’s love and generosity and feel its silkiness on my skin, especially if I swim naked. When I ski, I know that the snow is on the ground to reach up embrace my skis and me. When I feel the warmth of the sun on my body, it feels like a lover enveloping me. And the flowers! Flowers are the sex organs of plants, and they shamelessly and abundantly reach out to me as I stand among them. The scents of the flowers seduce and intoxicate me.

Love and sex are all around us and this is the very energy of life. When we have cancer we can become more aware of what’s important and what’s not, and what matters. Life has a sweetness and immediacy to it that we might not have experienced before. When we can attune ourselves to the rhythms and flows of nature, the very life force energy that is constantly expressing, it can be a very sensual, intimate and sexual experience. Many people on the cancer journey feel like their sex life is over. Cancer and sex can take many forms. Open your mind and heart to receive new inspirations.

I invite you to create a new context for Valentine’s Day this year. It doesn’t cost a dime and doesn’t require a lover, although you can share this with your lover if you have one. Make this Valentine’s Day a celebration of you, sensuality, intimacy and sexuality with your lover nature. It can create an entirely new experience of cancer and sex.

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Astrologically we are in a period of lots of action ~ eclipses, full moon, the equinox and Mercury retrograde, to name a few. During the season of eclipses, things can change in big ways, rapidly. If you knew you could wave a magic wand and change something big about your heart and your capacity to love, what would you change? How can you love you more? How can  you bring more love to the world?

Our experience of love blossoms from our love relationship with ourselves. How do you love you? Are you madly in love with you? Do you have a crush on you? Do you know how gorgeous and lovable you are? If  you aren’t having these experiences, what would it take for you to have them? Maybe, just maybe, it starts with deciding that you do. And then acting as if it’s true. Don’t believe me? I invite you to try it on and see what happens. Let your heart shift completely in the eclipse! And here’s a poem to inspire you.
“And You Shall Love”

do you love yourself?

yes, but
do you love yourself?
not like a poor relation, with an
effort to be kind.  being good about it.

do you love yourself
like the most hopeless crush you ever had?
the day you wrote his initials
all over your notebook:
mr. and mrs.  glowingly divine?

do you love yourself like
Rumi loved his God?
do you love yourself stumbling
and giddy, burbling visions of wine-drunk
spiritual ecstasies?

do you love yourself
so hard it hurts to breathe,
so true the very thought of losing you
makes you ache and cry?

do you love yourself
with dirty fingernails
and all you’ve got,
hanging on, for dear life?

do you love yourself as you rise up,
as you lie down, and as you go about your way?

would you die,
if you didn’t have you?

have you woken, yet,
from that awful dream,
the recursive bargain of self-hate
you made to stay alive?
is this the deal-breaker?

the angel abides
until one day
your will abides no more:
from out of nowhere you could name
the unleashed heart of fire ascends
and you are joined.

as full of scars
as grace.

“beloved”
a voice is heard;
the voice is yours.

(this time it is the angel’s turn
to laugh; even God’s hidden name
prances and smiles)

Dvorah Simon

 

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Love, Grief, Loss and Intimacy

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Loss and grief are inevitable in life. Stephen Jenkinson says that we human beings are maintained by the death of other living things. I’m in the midst of this experience following the death of my beloved Daddy-O 5 weeks ago. I think it’s also true of the deaths and losses we experience on the cancer journey ~ the death of the myth of our immortality, loss of our bodies as they were previously, and the loss of innocence.

As I contemplate my grief being composted into something more life-loving, and letting grief have its way with me, I’m opening more and more into other aspects of love. A broken heart is an open heart. My heart is opening to me in new ways, tenderly and fiercely. I realize that all that really matters is love and opening to love again and again.

This video shares a practice I’m doing and I offer it as inspiration to you on your journey of love and intimacy, which begins with loving you…

As always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback. Until next time, I wish you more love, more wonder and more gratitude for this wild and precious life.

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Make Love to Your Skin!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Many things change in unexpected ways when cancer is in your story, including your skin. It’s time to take the next step into loving yourself and creating deeper intimacy and love, and it begins with loving your skin. Stan in front of the mirror, looking into your eyes, knowing that you are your lover for life. Say, “I love you” as you look into your eyes. Then begin to gently stroke your face, exploring your skin and what feels good and brings you pleasure. You have lots of nerve endings in your fingertips and in your skin, so get curious and get to know your skin. As you touch your face, notice what feels good and what doesn’t. What type of touch brings you the most pleasure? Is it strokes as light and soft and butterfly wings, light raking with your fingernails, firmer touch, little taps, or something else? Experiment and get to know yourself now. Check out the video below for some ideas, and please feel free to share what you discover. Wishing you a Sexy Saturday!

 

I love your comments and feedback, so please let me know if this tool is useful for you.

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Breast Cancer, Intimacy and Sexuality ~ Where it Begins

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Let’s begin at the beginning. When you have cancer in your life, it has an impact on your intimate and sexual life. Things aren’t the same, your body may not look the same, it may function differently, and you may not know what to do about it in the areas of intimacy and sexuality. The good news is that you can reclaim your mojo.

Check out this video, which begins with the foundation. In the next several weeks, come back for the next steps… you’ll be glad you did!

As always, I love your comments and questions. Feel free to add them below!

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer and Sex at National Women’s Survivors Convention!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Next weekend I’ll be presenting 2 workshops on Cancer and Sex at the National Women’s Survivors Convention in Nashville. Use this link for more information and to register: http://www.survivorville.org/

Last year this convention was born and it was a wonderful learning experience for all of us who were involved. This year promises to be spectacular with some great presenters (including yours truly), a 5K race, some great country music, and 1000 women attendees with all types of cancer.

Sexy After Cancer, Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, cancer and sex

 

 

 

 

 

I’m thrilled to be invited back! My workshops will be filled with tips for finding lost libido, building bridges to intimacy and having fun. The first session is “It’s Not Over! 3 Secrets to Renewed Intimacy” and the second is “The Best is Yet to Come! More Secrets to Renewed Intimacy.” Every woman will know things to do immediately to get her love life back on track.

Cancer and Sex in the same sentence seems ironic to many women on the cancer journey. It’s not talked about in medical appointments; side effects of treatment can thrust a woman into instant menopause; and suddenly an intimate and sexual life can feel like more trouble than it’s worth. That’s where I come in.

I love talking about sex, romance, intimacy, eroticism, relationship and cancer. There are endless ways to keep the loving going and sharing them is what I do really well. This event will be no exception ~ I have several new tips and techniques to share and teach; lots of lube samples to distribute; AND I’ll be offering a group coaching program that begins in September.

If your travels will take you to Nashville next weekend or if you know any women in that area who have experienced cancer, please help spread the word about this cool event. No, the weather in Nashville will not be cool at this time of year; however, the vision of this event is all about having a great quality of life now that cancer is in the mix. There are some very cool peeps who are offering their wares and wisdom and lots of women to share experiences with.

Y’all come! Hope to see you there! And I’ll report from the convention in next week’s Sexy Saturdays blog.

© 2014 Barbara Musser and Sexy After Cancer. Please feel free to share this content and include proper attribution.

Faces of Inspiration

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, Sexy After Cancer, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, cancer and sexual health, breast cancer and libido, breast cancer and sexual pleasure

A new book has just been published by American Breast Care and Breast Cancer Wellness magazine. It’s called Faces of Inspiration. It’s filled with stories about faith, hope, courage, support, strength, inner beauty, joy, love and transformation. I contributed and essay called The Heart of the Matter.

Here’s a link to an online sample of the book along with a link to purchase it. Have a look at consider purchasing a copy for yourself or to give as a gift.

http://www.americanbreastcare.com/FB_book/fibook.html#book5/page1

Faces-of-Inspiration Each of us is an inspiration, often in ways we don’t even know about. How many times has someone told you that you have made a difference in his or her life? I encourage you to begin to practice random acts of kindness and love for others and for yourself. Offer a compliment when you are standing in a line ~ tell that person that they have a beautiful smile or that their eyes sparkle. When you begin to look for what inspires and touches you, you will see more and more of it. It’s all around us all the time, if we only look.

Keep an Inspiration Journal ~ dedicate a journal to inspiration and fill it with quotes, stories, ideas, photos, whatever inspires you to experience happiness, joy, love or peace. Make a point to add something to it every day. Then when you need some inspiration, page through this journal and feel how it uplifts you. It can be that easy to shift your mood.

Here’s another reason to experiment with this practice ~ it creates intimacy. When we take the time to connect with someone and offer some words of kindness from our heart to theirs, it’s intimate. We all want to feel seen and loved. Offering a few words of inspiration and gratitude goes a long way to creating more love. The more you do it, the more it builds. It’s the same as the principle of compounding interest ~ when you put a little bit of money into savings on a regular basis, over time it grows and compounds and in the long run, can become a large sum. Let love, inspiration and intimacy compound and you will reap the benefits, as will all those around you.

This is a practice I’ve been doing for several months ~

Each day, I think of someone I love and appreciate. Then I call them or see them and ask if I can give them some love and appreciation. When they say yes, I look into their eyes or think about them if I’m not physically with them. I bring my awareness into my heart and how it feels about them. Then I let the words flow straight from my heart, showering them with all the ways they have touched my heart, inspired me, taught me, loved me, moved me and so on. Without editing or judging my words, I simply let them flow. It feels fabulous to open the flow of my love for them, and they love receiving it. Within a few minutes we are both uplifted. I invite you to do this practice and see what happens. You will be inspired and become an inspiration.

 

© 2014 Barbara Musser and Sexy After Cancer. Please feel free to share this content and include proper attribution.

Sexy Saturdays Swan Song

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, Sexy After Cancer, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, cancer and sexual health, breast cancer and libido, breast cancer and sexual pleasure

 

 

Sexy Saturdays, Sexy After Cancer, Barbara Musser, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, breast cancer and sexual health, breast cancer and libido, breast cancer and sexual pleasure

 

My Dear Friends,

It’s been almost 2 years since the birth of the Sexy Saturdays blog, nearly 100 posts. I hope that you’ve found value, inspiration and hope in these columns. It’s time that you know how beautiful, desirable and sexy you are! My passion for your joy and pleasure is endless and you have inspired me to explore new possibilities. Of course I have tested every tip and tool to make sure it works ~ I am one grateful, happy, satisfied and awake sexual woman!

TPF is maturing and becoming more focused on their mission of providing financial support and education for those in active breast cancer treatment. This clarity of focus will reflect in the focus of blogs that appear on the site and the focus is more on the financial aspects of the breast cancer experience than on intimacy and sexual health. Sexy Saturdays™ is moving to a new home. This blog will continue on my website www.sexyaftercancer.com/blog. Please click through now to see my inaugural video blog and a bit about the new vision I have.

I hope that you will make the move with me to Sexy After Cancer and continue to read and follow my chronicles for pleasure, intimacy and sexual health. The new video blogs are yet another format to entice you and enhance your pleasure.

It’s been a great adventure writing this blog! There is so much that I have learned and want to share in this emerging conversation about breast cancer and sexual health and intimacy! I also blog for ~

Breast Cancer Wellness Magazine (http://www.breastcancerwellness.org/category/inspire/)

Women’s Survivors Alliance online magazine (http://theplum.org/category/between-the-ears/sex-you-bet/)

Breast Cancer Answers (http://www.breastcanceranswers.com/nurture-sexuality/#.U7xGHqiZ440).

The conversation about breast cancer, intimacy, sexual health, body image and relationships is timely and needed. I’m passionate about providing resources and since I’ve been on this journey personally for 25 years, I understand it.

If you’d like to get in touch with me, work with me, book me for a speaking engagement, or attend a retreat, here’s how ~

Lots of ways to stay connected. I hope you will. There are many different phases to the breast cancer journey and each brings its own joys, challenges and growth opportunities. My belief is that how we feel about ourselves and come into and nourish our inner and outer integrity shapes our journey and experiences. Here’s to you and knowing that you are beautiful, desirable, sexy and that with the ingredients, you can create a happy and satisfying intimate and sexual life after breast cancer.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

More on the Itty Bitty Clitty and Breast Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Satrudays, breast cancer, breast cancer and sexual health, intimacy and breast cacncer

 

 

Following on the thread started last week about Cliteracy and the possibilities for women to experience more intimate and sexual pleasure through their clitoris, here are some additional facts and thoughts ~

  • All babies have the same genital tissue when they are conceived. It’s after about 12 weeks of gestation that the differentiation into a penis or labia begins. The clitoris and the penis are the same materials assembled differently, and the differentiation begins as a result of hormonal flows. The book The Female Brain by Luanne Brizendine contains some great information about how this development begins and the different phases of development for males and females.
  • The clitoris has all the parts a penis has ~ a glans, a foreskin (also known as the hood), erectile tissue and a small shaft. And the clitoris swells when aroused and becomes engorged. You know that sensation of tightness and swollenness? That’s all the erectile tissue of the clitoral system becoming engorged.
  • The only purpose of the clitoris is pleasure. It has nothing to do with reproduction. Pleasure only, and it is the only part of the body with this sole function.
  • Only about one fourth of the clitoris is visible outside the body, and the rest is inside. In addition to the clitoral head (also known as the itty bitty clitty), the hood and the shaft, the clitoris is composed of the urethral sponge, erectile tissue, glands, vestibular bulbs and the clitoral legs. Altogether this is called the clitoral system and some experts believe that the G Spot is also part of the clitoris.
  • There are different kinds of orgasms and a clitoral orgasm is the easiest for most women to achieve. Most women are not able to achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Women who know this and know their clitoris can communicate what feels good to their partner and enhance their pleasure.
  • Clitoral stimulation and pleasure varies with each woman. Some prefer soft and gentle touch and others prefer a lot of pressure. What feels good also changes during the arousal cycle. Don’t assume that you know what it takes and that it will be the same every time. Take your time to explore and get to know your unique clitoris. You can even map areas that are more responsive than others, and when during the arousal cycle. If you take the time to explore yourself alone, you’ll have a much better time educating and guiding your lover.
  • The word clitoris is from the Greek word for “key.” As you explore and begin to understand this extraordinary source of pleasure, you may find that it is a key to unlocking your pleasure possibilities.
  • Take your time to explore the entire clitoral system and ways to stimulate it. You’ll be very glad you did!

I urge you to explore and include the clitoris in your personal pleasure plan. With attention and focus you will learn what brings you pleasure and this can be a wonderful addition or alternative to penetrative genital sex play.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.