January 16, 2018

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Astrologically we are in a period of lots of action ~ eclipses, full moon, the equinox and Mercury retrograde, to name a few. During the season of eclipses, things can change in big ways, rapidly. If you knew you could wave a magic wand and change something big about your heart and your capacity to love, what would you change? How can you love you more? How can  you bring more love to the world?

Our experience of love blossoms from our love relationship with ourselves. How do you love you? Are you madly in love with you? Do you have a crush on you? Do you know how gorgeous and lovable you are? If  you aren’t having these experiences, what would it take for you to have them? Maybe, just maybe, it starts with deciding that you do. And then acting as if it’s true. Don’t believe me? I invite you to try it on and see what happens. Let your heart shift completely in the eclipse! And here’s a poem to inspire you.
“And You Shall Love”

do you love yourself?

yes, but
do you love yourself?
not like a poor relation, with an
effort to be kind.  being good about it.

do you love yourself
like the most hopeless crush you ever had?
the day you wrote his initials
all over your notebook:
mr. and mrs.  glowingly divine?

do you love yourself like
Rumi loved his God?
do you love yourself stumbling
and giddy, burbling visions of wine-drunk
spiritual ecstasies?

do you love yourself
so hard it hurts to breathe,
so true the very thought of losing you
makes you ache and cry?

do you love yourself
with dirty fingernails
and all you’ve got,
hanging on, for dear life?

do you love yourself as you rise up,
as you lie down, and as you go about your way?

would you die,
if you didn’t have you?

have you woken, yet,
from that awful dream,
the recursive bargain of self-hate
you made to stay alive?
is this the deal-breaker?

the angel abides
until one day
your will abides no more:
from out of nowhere you could name
the unleashed heart of fire ascends
and you are joined.

as full of scars
as grace.

“beloved”
a voice is heard;
the voice is yours.

(this time it is the angel’s turn
to laugh; even God’s hidden name
prances and smiles)

Dvorah Simon

 

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

You Look Wonderful Tonight!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Remember that Eric Clapton tune, “You Look Wonderful Tonight?” That can happen at any moment and it comes from what you access deep inside you. No matter your age, size, hair situation or shape, your sense of beauty and sexiness comes from you, your self love and your attitude.

This week I bought myself a “date dress” for the first time in years. When I found the right one and looked in the mirror, I felt so happy and excited. Why? The dress? That was the cue for me to know that I still got it goin’ on. In that moment, I knew that I exude beauty and love and that no matter where I go, it’s in me. All I have to do is choose it and let it radiate out from me.

Same with you. Give yourself the gift of going on a date and strut your stuff, however that looks and feels to you. The more you choose beauty and love and sexiness, the more it shows.

Here’s to you and that you still got it goin’ on!

 

 

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

A Sexy Summer Solstice Ritual

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, breast cancer and sexuality, sexual healing after breast cancer

 

 

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy, breast cancer and sexual health, intimacy and sexuality and cancer, breast cancer and eroticism, breast cancer and self love

Today is the Summer Solstice ~ the day with the longest hours of daylight in the year. There are celebrations of many types happening around the world to celebrate the change in the seasons. Summer officially begins today.

I suggest a Sexy Summer Solstice Ritual for you to celebrate you as a sexy and desirable woman. It all begins with your beliefs about yourself, and what better time to explore and create some powerful and positive beliefs about yourself? Here are some ideas to inspire you to create your own special ceremony or ritual ~

  • Prepare some supplies for your ceremony. A blanket, some fresh flowers or flower petals, a sacred object that reminds you of intimacy and sensuality, some sensual poetry or other writing, your journal, some music, a pillow to sit on, anything else that intuitively feels right to you to bring along.
  • Pick a beautiful place in nature that feels beautiful and sensual to you ~ a glad in a park, a rose garden, a secluded swimming hole, whatever appeals to you.
  • Take your supplies to your place and create a sacred space for your ritual ~ lay out the blanket and other items you have brought as if you are creating an outdoor altar to honor a sacred goddess. You are and it’s you!
  • Relax in your sacred space and invite any unseen beings to join you for the ritual ~ angels, guides, teachers, ancestors, goddesses or other deities, fairies, whatever and whoever pops into your mind.
  • Sit in the center of the sacred space and feel what it feels like to be in a beautiful sanctuary created to honor you and your sensuality. Breathe and drink in all the sensations of the experience.
  • Gently close your eyes and meditate or contemplate your beauty and desirability as a sensual and sexual woman. Ask for visions, thoughts or wisdom to inspire you in this and wait for what comes. You might have feelings, thoughts, images or other sensations. Drink it all in and know that what you are receiving is just right for you.
  • Write down any inspirations or ideas in your journal so that you can remember these gifts. If you brought something to read, read it and let it inspire you further.
  • Write down some thoughts about beauty, sensuality and sexuality ~ simply begin writing and let the words flow onto the page without editing or even thinking about what’s coming out. Just let it flow.
  • Close your eyes again and create a vision of yourself as a beautiful, sensual, sexual woman ~ who is content, satisfied and happy with life and love. Write the vision in your journal and if there is an image, draw it in your journal. This is your inner wisdom guiding you.
  • Spend as much time in your sanctuary as feels right to you. When you feel complete with the ritual, thank all the beings who have been here with you, thank your inner wise woman and thank the beauty of nature that surrounds you. Slowly and mindfully pack up your things and know that you can return here any time you wish, whether in person or in your thoughts.
  • Allow this special time to nourish those deepest places in you that are thirsty for beauty, sensuality and love. Know that you are beautiful, lovable, desirable and sensual.

If you are moved to share anything about your ritual with us, please do as a way of honoring yourself and of sharing your gifts with others so that we can all benefit.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

25 Years of Great Sexual Health After Breast Cancer!

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, breast cancer and sexuality, sex after breast cancer, breast cancer and intimacy

 

 

Sexy After Cancer, Barbara Musser, breast cancer, breast cancer and sexuality, intimacy and breast cancer, cancer and sexual health, sexy saturdays

This week was my 25 year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis ~ my Silver Jubilee! I’ve been reflecting on the journey, especially my intimate and sexual journey. It’s been quite and adventure with lots of twists and turns, ups and downs, and I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned along the way ~

  • The resources, strength and courage are all inside and it’s a matter of exploring the inner realms to bring them to the surface and integrate them. This is an ongoing exploration because as time passes things continue to evolve and grow. Courage begets courage; vulnerability enhances the capacity for more vulnerability.
  • It’s not a straight line to the destination, but it’s about enjoying and learning form the journey. A sense of curiosity, humor and creativity smooth the bumps, which continue to be in the path.
  • Feminine grace is innate and has nothing to do with physical appearance or age. We are all born with this and life covers it up. Being quiet and still and calling it forth, reveals it, then it can be tended like a beautiful flower in the garden of you.
  • Cancer can open portals into completely new experiences of intimacy, sensuality and sexuality. There are many more possibilities beyond penetrative genital sex and fluid exchange that are fun, pleasurable and orgasmic.
  • Defining beauty and sexiness on my terms, rather than the cultural mores, is liberating and empowering and magnetically attractive.
  • Open and honest communication about desires, needs and pleasure is highly intimate and erotic.
  • Trusting my wisdom, heart and body brings me into alignment and integrity inside and out and that is sexy.
  • I have a more satisfying and nourishing intimate and sexual life than I ever dreamed of before my cancer diagnosis.

My wish for you is that you know how beautiful, desirable, sensual and sexy you can be and that you join me on this journey of discovery. I have created a new online course called “You Are So Beautiful” to help you on this journey. Here’s a link to learn more about it ~ https://www.sexyaftercancer.com/you-are-so-beautiful-course/. I hope you give yourself this gift!

Here’s to you, Beauty.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

I Love Rumi Poetry

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Here’s a poem from Rumi that I just love ~

“Close your eyes

Fall in love

Stay there.”

This reminds me that I always have the choice to choose my experience and what I want to feel and create. Knowing that I can do this gives me a sense of empowerment and happiness. I know that the quality of my thoughts determines the quality of my experience. In this sense, I create my experience of reality by how I think about what happens. Or by thinking what I want to believe and feel, that creates my experience.

There’s an adage that “seeing is believing.” That’s for people who need to see something first before they will believe it. Actually this is backwards. It’s really that believing is seeing. What do I mean by that? What you believe literally impacts what you see and hear, what you experience.

Try this experiment to check this out ~

  • Remember the day you received your breast cancer diagnosis and remember how you felt ~ the shock, disbelief, and knowing that your life would never be the same. See yourself as you were at that time and what you looked like when you got the news about  your health.
  • Remember one of the happiest moments in your life. In your mind’s eye, see that situation. See every detail, including the location, time of day, who else was there, and see yourself happy.

Two different scenes with different thoughts and emotions. And you literally looked very different in each situation. Try an experiment and change your thoughts about those 2 events ~

  • Remember the day you received your diagnosis and change your feelings to curiosity and to knowing that a doorway opened to crack your heart open to more love. Literally feel the love and curiosity and notice what happens to your experience.
  • Remember one of the happiest moments in your life and feel a sense of neutral acceptance of the event. Notice how that changes your experience.

The point of this is for you to literally experience how your thoughts and feelings change how you see and experience events in life.  My suggestion is that you continue to experiment with this until you feel that you are getting some skill in doing this. Then you will know that you have the choice about how you will respond to what happens in your life, and that you can be more of the source of creation for your experiences. You can create more experiences of love by choosing thoughts that support love. Let us know how this goes!

More Ways to Play

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Did you have a play date last week? If so, how was it? If not, what got in the way? It’s easy to let the days pass without taking any action other than thinking about playing. If you thought about playing, what did you think? What story did you tell yourself about play and about why you weren’t going to make play a priority? The stories we tell ourselves are what shape our experiences. So this week, let’s make up a story.

If you were to call me up next week and tell me about how you played this week, what would your story say? Pretend that you’ve already played and had a really great time, and now you get to relive the play by sharing it…

Here’s a possible story ~

Last Saturday afternoon I went to several yard sales. I was in search of some slinky lingerie so that I could dress up and feel sexy. The first place I stopped had some feather boas in different colors. There was a red boa, a black boa and a white boa. I couldn’t decide which one I liked best so I bought all 3 of them. The feathers were soft and I loved the colors.

The next place I went to had some really cool red cowgirl boots. I love boots and these were my size, so I snapped them up, thinking that they’d be fun with the boas.

My next stop yielded some big crystal drop earrings and a full-length black satin robe that was a little clingy. The satin felt really good on my skin and it was only $5, so I got that.

I went back home thrilled with my purchases. I also bought some beautiful champagne flutes and a cut glass plate, thinking that I might like some champagne and strawberries in my sexy scene. I had a bottle of bubbly in the fridge and stopped at the farmers market for some fresh strawberries.

Before I donned my purchases, I decided to put on some make-up. I don’t usually wear make-up, so I decided to have some fun. I put on smoky eye shadow, dark eyeliner, two coats of black mascara, some blush and some red lipstick.  Out came the curling iron and I did my hair to look sexy, with lots of waves.

I put on the boots, robe, boas (all three of them!) and the earrings. I felt like a million bucks and when I looked in the mirror, I saw a very sexy woman. I poured myself a glass of champagne and put three big ripe strawberries on the plate. Then I put on some music with a slinky beat. I danced around the living room sipping champagne, nibbling strawberries and saying to myself, “I am one Sensual Babe.” I had the best day and evening.

What’s your story? Go ahead, let your imagination go and have some fun! Share your story with us so we can celebrate you with you!

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Adornment and Pleasure

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Clothing and adornment can bring great pleasure if the purpose is to please yourself and love yourself. Most of us don’t think this way when we dress for the day or evening. We may take a quick look in the mirror and check to see if there are wrinkles or if we look fat ~ usually with a critical eye.

What if you dress to please yourself, knowing that different textures, colors and styles can create pleasure? If you did, how would you dress? Would you wear make-up and jewelry?

For today, choose to adorn you for you, as if you knew that you were all that matters. The truth is that you are all that matters. How you feel about you is what creates how you experience life. Try on the belief that you are beautiful and deserve to experience pleasure in all forms, including what you put on your body.

From this perspective, look in your closet and see what draws your attention. Put it on and see notice how you feel… does your skin like what you’ve chosen? How do you look to the loving you? What emotions are you feeling? Are you having fun?

Do you want to further adorn your body with accessories, jewelry or make-up? If so, do what pleases you. How do you want to style your hair? What shoes?

Once you’re pleased with how you feel and look, take yourself out for tea. Go on a date with you. Go to a place that brings you pleasure. Maybe there’s a local tearoom that you like. Go there. Or wherever strikes your fancy.

Wherever you choose to go, go with pleasure in mind. Choose a drink that brings you pleasure as you look at it, taste it and consume it.

Something as simple as pleasing yourself ~ who knew? As you sip your drink, let your mind wander to what else will bring you pleasure. You may be surprised as what comes to mind. Pay attention, because the whole idea is pleasure, my dear!

I’d love to hear what brings you pleasure. Please share with us so that we can all celebrate your pleasure and get more ideas for our own pleasure!

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Erotic Movement and Flow

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Do you feel self-conscious about your body and how it moves? Are you awkward in your own skin? Would you like to feel more freedom in your body? More pleasure?

Sometimes movement brings great pleasure. For example, I love taking a brisk walk in a beautiful place, breathing deeply and feeling the motion of my body as I feel the earth under my feet, the sun on my skin and the kiss of the breeze on my cheek. I feel in flow with the earth at such times. That flow brings me great pleasure and freedom.

Here’s another movement practice for an experiment ~

Find some music that has a beat that appeals to your body, music that has you want to get up and move. It might be slow and sensual, have a dance beat, or a primal beat. Play the music loud and stand in the middle of the room. Close your eyes and give yourself to the music. As you stand and breathe, begin to feel the music in your cells and bones. Bring your awareness into your body and let it begin to move to the music. See if you can become one with the music, merging into the sounds and flow and rhythms. Let your physical rhythm be that of the music.

If you think you can’t dance, don’t think of this as dance. It’s a flow, a movement meditation to the sounds and energy of the music. Let yourself go, breathe, move and have fun.

You may find that you want to keep going after the song ends. If so, great, keep going. If you’ve had enough, sit and relax. Either way, when you stop moving, sit with your eyes closed and scan your body. Notice your breathing. Is it rapid, deep and full or shallow? How does your body feel? Tingly? Loose? Tight? Relaxed? Excited? Vibrating? Pay attention to what’s happening and how it feels.

Our bodies want to move. Belly dancing was created as a way to ease the pain of childbirth and to bring women pleasure. There are forms of dance called ecstatic dance that are designed as meditations and move through different beats and rhythms. For some, being in the body in this way is a great pleasure and release. Try it and see what it is for you.

Please share your experiences with us so that we can all learn together.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

The Body Electric and Erotic

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Did you have fun with a flower or chocolate or something else last week? I hope so and I hope that you’re beginning to experience little flickers (or big waves) of erotic energy. It’s so fascinating when we slow down and open up, to see what pleasures await us.

Do you know that your skin is your largest organ? It is, and it’s filled with countless nerve endings, which provide so much input. You probably already know some ways that this has changed in your body as a result of cancer treatments. Now you may have new or no sensation around scars or surgical sites, neuropathy, different sensations around hair loss and regrowth, to mention a few.

Are you dissociated from your body? It can happen easily as a coping strategy while going through treatment. Added to the dissociation that many women experience sexually, it can feel like there’s nobody home inside your body!

Going through life physically absent is one way, and I don’t recommend it. There’s much sensation and pleasure for us in our bodies and many ways to access these.

This week the invitation is to focus on the sensations in your skin. Take some time to stroke your skin with various types of touch ~ using only the pads on your fingertips very lightly, gently raking your skin with your fingernails, little taps on your skin to wake it up, deeper circular motions like massage, and any others that occur to you to try. Experiment with parts of your body that aren’t often touched including the backs of your knees, your elbows, your calves, and so on.

As you explore your skin, focus your awareness and attention on where the touch is happening and pay attention to the sensations. How does it feel? Do you feel pleasure both with your fingers or hands as well as the places being touched? Do you like touching or being touched better or are they the same? What helps you feel more present inside yourself? What do you love?

Getting to know your skin through touch and pleasure can be surprising. Notice what, if anything, surprises you and what you are learning about you. Please share it with us so that we can learn from you.

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Pleasure in Your Body

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Today is about connecting with your body in new ways.  Are you up for discovering some new sensual and erotic sensations? I hope you say yes!

Begin by opening to the possibility of experiencing pleasure through all of your physical senses ~ touch, sight, sound, taste and smell. I suggest that you literally use your entire body and all your senses to experience pleasure.

Let’s do a sensing experiment. For the experiment we’ll explore a flower. Go to a florist and drink in all the sensory input ~ what do you see? How does it smell? How does your skin feel? What do you hear? Any taste sensations? Walk around the shop and let your senses guide you.

Choose a flower or two to take home for the remainder of the experiment. Ask the florist to wrap it in some beautiful paper and ribbon, as if you were buying a gift for your beloved ~ you are!

When you get home and unwrap the flower, spend some time with it. Begin by looking at the flower ~ what color is it? What type of flower did you choose? Is it beautiful? Take in as many visual aspects of the flower as you can and notice your experience.

Next, smell the flower. Wave it gently under your nose and inhale the perfume. Is it sweet? Clean? Pungent? Earthy?

Gently stroke your cheek with the flower ~ how does it feel? Velvety? Soft? Fuzzy? Smooth? Rough? Do the petals feel different than a leaf or the stem? Explore the feel of the flower in as many ways as occur to you.

Taste the flower! Is it sweet? Spicy? Bitter? Moist? Dry? Take a petal in your mouth and chew it gently. What happens when you do that? Do you salivate? Does the scent affect the taste?

Wave the flower near your ears. Is there a sound as it moves through the air?

Take a petal and crush it between your fingers. What does that feel like? Is a scent released that is different from before? What does it sound like?

What is your experience when you involve all your senses? Does your body feel more alive? Are you in your body or have you checked out? Does this seem silly or pointless? Is it sensual? Erotic? Flowers are the reproductive part of plants. Does knowing this affect your experience in any way?

Can you imagine involving all your senses as you explore your own body? What if you explored your hand in this way, using sight, smell, touch, taste and sound? Try it and see what happens, what you experience.

One aspect of eroticism is slowing things down. This allows you to be fully present with whatever you are experiencing. Sometimes we go so quickly that a day can pass by in a blur. What if you spent 5 minutes a day on being present, fully present?

Imagine doing this same experiment with chocolate, or a bubble bath? Please share your experiences with us!

© 2014 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.

For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.