March 22, 2018

Visioning What You Want in a Different Way


You may be familiar with visualization, a mental practice of imagining a result in your life ~ “seeing” yourself in your mind’s eye successfully completing a race, or having an important conversation flow smoothly. Visualization is practiced by many elite athletes to improved their focus and performance. Studies show that our minds don’t differentiate what we think and what is actually happening, and that we can use the plasticity of our minds to change beliefs and thoughts.

There’s another way to use your mind for change and positive outcomes. It involves remembering an event that has not yet occurred, as if it has already happened and you are now speaking about all the great things that came about. You think and speak about it as if you are sharing it with someone who wasn’t there. You can also ask them to participate with you in the conversation and remind you of other positive aspects and outcomes.

This may sound a little confusing, so here’s an example:

A: “When my partner and I took a romantic getaway weekend 6 months ago, we were planning to have an easy weekend away from the kids and our busy lives. Once we got to the cottage, with a picnic and some great music, the world melted away. We danced on the deck under the stars, looked into each other’s eyes and spoke about how much we love each other and how the cancer journey has strengthened our love. We nibbled from the picnic, then made a nest on the deck under the stars and made love all night long. We went deeper than we have before and felt so much closer.”

B: “ I remember when you were shopping for something sensuous to wear on that weekend, and that the kids sent you off with wishes for an amazing time together. You definitely both had the look of love in your eyes when you left.”

A: “Letting go of all the details of life for a few days gave us the opportunity to explore each other and reconnect, and we made a commitment to doing sweet things for each other, to showing our love every day and to having a weekly date. We’ve continued that and we’re planning another getaway next month, this time for 3 days instead of 2.”

B:  “You both looked so happy when you came home, as if the years of stress had melted away. I saw you holding hands as you walked into the house, saw the kids run out to meet you with hugs and kisses and felt the happiness all the way across the street to my house. You inspired us to take a honeymoon weekend and we had a fabulous time.  Why don’t you come for dinner so we can compare notes and share some ideas for love and romance?”

A: “I feel so relaxed and free, and am happy! I can see lots of new pathways to love and romance…”

You get the idea. This is an active process of creating what you’d like to happen by speaking of it as if it already has occurred. When you do this, your brain looks for resources and pathways and new possibilities will appear.

You can use this for any situation, whether it’s a challenging business project, an issue with a family member or brainstorming possibilities for the future. I invite you to experiment with this, involve others and see what happens. Then share with us what you discover!


© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
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This blog is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

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