July 28, 2017

The Source of Your Sexiness

Do you feel sexy? Did you feel sexy before your diagnosis? If so, do you remember what that felt like? If not, what do you think it would feel like? Feeling like a sexy and desirable woman can be shattered with a breast cancer diagnosis. Suddenly, we don’t even feel feminine and it can seem like an impossible dream to feel sexy again.

“Sexy” has many connotations and most of us don’t have a good idea of what it is. Let’s explore this and see if we can tease out some of the elements of it. First we’ll look at what is sexy to you about other people, then some of the qualities that make them sexy to you, and finally, how you can nourish and grow your personal sexiness. This will include several blogs; so keep coming back for the next parts…  J

Have you ever had the experience of being in the presence of someone who exuded sexuality, not by imposing it on you, trying to get attention or doing anything, but by simply radiating it? There’s nothing predatory or invasive about it, it’s just expressing through them.

When we meet someone who embodies sexiness, we know it immediately and feel it in our bones. But if pressed as to why they’re sexy, we stumble and resort to clichés. Yes, there may be a visual component to it, but it’s also more complex than that. Most people recognize that attractive physical traits can be easy on the eyes, but the person may not be captivating.

Conversely you’ve probably known individuals who are far from Hollywood beauty standards, but who make your heart skip a beat and stir your desires. It comes from someplace within, not in what is done or said. It’s in how that person inhabits their body, how they engage with the world, how they think about themselves. It’s that certain “je ne sais quoi.”

It’s subtle and noticeable but not over the top. There’s no request or demand for attention, it‘s simply compelling and very inviting. Sexy people catch our eyes and attention. It’s not about whether you want to have sex with them. They have the uncanny ability to broadcast this quality in entirely non-erotic situations, say while drinking a cup of coffee, gardening or just walking down the street.

What makes a person sexy? What makes you sexy? Did you ever know?

Are you sexy? Are you already sexy and know it—or don’t know it? If you believe yourself to be sexy, how can you be certain?

Do you have the potential to be sexy? My belief is that everyone has the potential, but not all of us realize it. Breast cancer is an opportunity to examine what this means to you personally, in a culture where sex is used to sell products ~ often with visuals of voluptuous breasts as a symbol for sex appeal. Consider: sexy may have nothing to do with breasts… we can free ourselves from the media stereotypes and create our own definition and experience of what is sexy.

An exercise ~ take some time to complete this sentence:  Sexy is …

Put your pen on paper and write these words at the top of the page and just let your thoughts, feelings and ideas pour out onto the page. Don’t judge, edit or examine what’s coming onto the paper, rather, just let it out. You are mining your interior gold. Once you’ve gotten it out, then read what’s there and contemplate your beliefs. This will help you to define what “sexy” means to you.

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog does not reflect the opinions of TPF, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisors or Volunteers.  It is not meant to serve as medical advise of any kind.  Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for TPF without compensation.

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