March 22, 2018



The-Courtship-Of-WashingtonRemember when you were a teenager and your hormones began to rage? Like nature’s clockwork,  adolescence is the prime time for courtship and for learning the “rules of engagement” where love is concerned. Unfortunately, many of us weren’t taught how to appropriately win someone’s favor through flirting, or how to read sexual cues like knowing when it’s time to hold hands, touch or kiss.  Who taught you how to send and receive signals with someone you had a crush on that you wanted to get to know them, how to do that or what to do? Mostly it’s the blind leading the blind as we stumble along, being led by our hormonal tides. Many of us get somehow frozen in time from those days and still don’t know the choreography for this dance. It can feel confusing and we can feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed about our very natural sexuality. So we end up repeating the same patterns over and over, unable to truly be intimate or connect deeply in a love relationship. We get stuck in immature patterns, unable to discriminate what’s appropriate. We may have a faulty love map and not realize it. How could we, after all?

Then when breast cancer enters the picture, things get really confusing. Already not knowing how to navigate, now we add feeling like damaged goods to the mix. In our culture that places so much value on having perfect breasts, it can feel devastating.

In my opinion, this is one of the opportunities that comes with breast cancer. It’s the opportunity to go beneath the surface to discover who we really are and to uncover the true nature of beauty. It’s also a time when we can learn some powerful and effective communication skills, so that we can create intimacy with our partners.

The rules of engagement change with cancer. Our bodies don’t work in the same ways as before, especially if we’ve had chemo or hormonal therapies. This is a time to learn not only who we really are ~ in my opinion we are all beautiful manifestations of the divine. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are, it’s time to make peace with and accept yourself, and know that you are beautiful inside and out. This can take some deep inner work, which is so worth it!

Then you can learn to flirt, how to send and receive intimate and sexual cues, and reach inside for what you want and need, how to court and be courted. More on this in future blogs, so come back!

Join me Feb. 22-24 in Seattle for the C4YW conference. I’m offering 2 workshops on cancer, intimacy and sexuality. Molly MacDonald and TPF will also be there. Financial help is available. Check it out:

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
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This blog does not reflect the opinions of TPF, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisors or Volunteers. It is not meant to serve as medical advise of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for TPF without compensation.

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