October 19, 2017

Saying Farewell

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Cancer and Sex, Breast Cancer, Emotional and Spiirtual Healing After Breast Cancer, Cancer and Hope, Nature cancer and sensuality, love and sex and cancer

My Dear Ones,

The past few years have brought many changes and surprises to my world. That seems to be true for so many people I talk with – the roller coaster of life has been like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Good friends, meaningful work, fine health, all infused with a lot of love and laughter, have been my treasures.

For several years I’ve been contemplating how to navigate Sexy After Cancer. It’s been a crucible for growth and evolution and I’ve achieved many milestones including writing a book, speaking at many national cancer conferences, teaching at nursing schools and grand rounds, creating cool programs and working individually with extraordinary people. Challenges and joy have come along with grief, loss and sadness. It’s been full-on and I’ve grown in ways I never imagined. And the people I’ve met have inspired me in so many ways. Lucky me!

In my meditations, writing and prayers for guidance I’ve gotten some clarity. It’s time for Act Three in my life. At least, that’s assuming there’s a third of life to live! I don’t yet know how it will unfold. What I do know is that it requires freedom and space. I’m following divine guidance to clear the decks in my life and that means wrapping up Sexy After Cancer. It’s exhilarating and scary and it’s what’s next.

In the next few weeks www.sexyaftercancer.com will disappear. The Sexy After Cancer Facebook page will be retired along with that Twitter handle. I’ll have less screen time and cyber stimulation and more time for meditation, bike riding and walks in beautiful places. I’m open for life to unfold in all the wondrous and mysterious ways it does.

Thank you for all the ways you have inspired me, allowed me to serve you, challenged me and loved and supported me. I’m grateful and love you all!

© 2017 Barbara Musser, all rights reserved.

YSC Summit is This Weekend in Oakland

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

Dear Ones,

This weekend, March 10-12, is the annual Young Survival Coalition Summit. This year it’s here on the west coast at the Oakland Marriott City Center. Click here for info and to register:  https://summit.youngsurvival.org/Sessions.

This conference is consistently great and is filled with women diagnosed with breast cancer under age 40, their co-survivors, wonderful speakers and events and fabulous exhibits. Last year there were 600 attendees! It’s definitely an event to attend if you’re in the area.

I will be exhibiting this year. It’s a sexy photo booth and I’m fund raising for the annual Tour de Pink ride, which is the major fund raiser for YSC. If you’d like to know more about it or to make a donation to me and the Sexy After Cancer team, use this link: https://west.ysctourdepink.org/BarbaraMusser.

Everything YSC does is empowering and inspiring. I’m a big fan and have spoken at several conferences and attended many as well.

If you’re local to the Bay Area, stop by and come see me. There are some fun surprises at my booth and you may be inspired and empowered as well. 🙂

© 2017 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

 

Give Yourself A Holiday Gift!

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

 

sexy after cancer, cancer and sexuality, cancer and intimacy, sex after cancer

As a longtime sex educator and breast cancer survivor, my path gives me the great gift of talking with many women about their sex lives before, during and after cancer diagnosis and treatment. I hear some stories of inspiration and hope, and many more of frustration and pain. A familiar story goes something like this: “My sex life was okay before cancer/I took my sex life for granted. Now I’d rather stick a needle in my eye than have sex with my partner because it’s so painful. My libido has gone missing and I don’t know how to get it back or if I even want to…”

It’s heart wrenching. At the same time, our sexual energy is our life force energy. It’s the energy of life and living, of pleasure and orgasm and oxytocin. Whether it’s a distant memory or the subject of your fantasies, sex is part of life. The question is what can be done to recover it.

Go figure why this has become my life’s passion, to help women find their way back to sexual health and pleasure. It’s time for this conversation to come into the light of day. I aim to turn on the lights and bring more pleasure to your life.

The chasm from where you may be now, to having sex, may seem as enormous as the Grand Canyon. Depending on your treatment and ongoing hormonal therapy, you may have a Sahara Desert inside your genitals. The treatments are designed to suppress any hormone production, and that also dries out and tenderizes genital tissues.

Hormones are part of the story, but not the whole story. There are plenty of things to do that can help. It begins with some of the sex education that you probably never got. For example, you have nerve endings and plenty of erectile tissue that doesn’t depend on hormones and isn’t in your vagina. Did you know that?

Over the decades since my own cancer diagnosis at age 37, I’ve been researching and gathering all sorts of information and tools. And of course, I’ve had to test them all – lucky me!

I’m teaming up with the creator of one of my favorite products to share this wisdom. We’ve created a 6-week online course, Opening Pandora’s Box ~ The Sex Education You Never Got. Our vision is for women to experience:

  • Improved sexual pleasure
  • Better sex with your partner (if you have one)
  • Deeper understanding of what feels good to you
  • Once again (or for the first time) get to know your body
  • Enjoy self-pleasuring
  • Experience relief from vaginal and sexual pain
  • Have more fun again (both in and out of the bedroom)

This class is a pilot and we are limiting it to 30 women. We are offering the class at this one time only price of $97 so we can work closely with all participants and get feedback.

Use the link below to learn more about the class and to register. We begin on January 18 and go for 6 weeks. Be one of our 30!

www.opendingpandorasbx.com

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

We Simply Don’t Know ~ Random Thoughts on Sex and Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays Blog, Cancer and Sex

It’s been a week since my amazing friend Michele died. It was sudden and much too soon. She was a truly bright light in the world. A Reichian therapist, Michele is the one who ruthlessly and tirelessly supported me in expressing my emotions, my sexuality and the power of my orgasms. We laughed, cried, danced and shook through life like a sudden thunderstorm rolling in. We saw each other completely and we often talked about cancer and sex, about being a woman and sex, about living an orgasmic life. When we got together, tears came first because we loved each other so deeply.

Now she’s gone. The night she died I lay awake most of the night, feeling her around me, laughing and crying. At 3:30 AM I was jolted awake in the middle of a big orgasm. “That’s Michele,” I knew it. When I got up, I got the news that she took her last breath at about 3:15. I believe that she went out orgasmically.

Now more than ever, I am inspired and committed to Sexy After Cancer. This conversation is getting stronger and it’s past time for those with cancer to know that great sex is possible. You are not broken! Things are different and it’s now important to get to know your body in this state. That’s the opportunity and it’s time to get curious and open to discover pleasure in new ways.

Some of the latest research on sex and arousal shows that we have dual controls: an accelerator and brakes. We all have both and they work to either support or suppress each other. For example, one of the biggest brakes is thinking that there’s something wrong with us sexually. Cancer and treatments can result in feeling that something is very wrong sexually. That’s because the changes are sudden and traumatic, especially if we weren’t told things would change. So, many of us slammed on the brakes and don’t know what to do.

The key is to learn about accelerators and brakes, about about how to activate our accelerators and deactivate our brakes. This is good news because we can do this. When we begin to experiment with this, we explore pleasure and embodiment from a different place and perspective. We begin with discovering what your brakes are and how to deactivate them. We also explore your accelerators and how to activate them.

What I’m passionate about is finding the ways to help you recover your life force energy because that’s what sexual energy is ~ life force energy. It’s your mojo, your pleasure, your life! Let’s explore this together so that you feel sexy after cancer. The bottom line is that we simply don’t know how much longer we’ll be here. Thanks to my friend Michele, I know this and I also know that it’s always the right time to live fully and experience all the pleasure we can in as many ways as we can think of.

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Getting Your Sexy Back with Breast Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Dear Friends,

I’ve just completed an hour-long show with Breast Friends, all about body image and self-esteem, loss of sensation as a result of lumpectomy and radiation or mastectomy, how chemo and hormonal therapies impact libido, how to get your sexy back and much more. We covered many bases in an honest and real conversation. I’m including the link here so that you can listen to the conversation because it was that good! Please feel free to download and listen at your convenience, and feel free to share it. It’s full of solutions to many of the challenges to sexual function that happen as a result of cancer treatments.

Do yourself a favor and educate yourself about your own body and pleasure. Most of us didn’t have good sex education early on and weren’t taught about pleasure. There is so much pleasure to be experienced and cancer is a great opportunity to learn about that.

Sexy After Cancer?

If you have questions or comments, ask them here and I’ll respond as quickly as I can.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer, Your Body, Trust and Love

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

So many of us disconnect from ourselves at different times when we are coping with cancer, treatments, side effects, side effects of side effects, trauma and grief. It’s the experience of losing our essence or forgetting our essence and then forgetting that we’ve forgotten. I believe that it’s crucial to reconnect with our essential self and to discover what our essence has to reveal to us. The dimming of our essence is like the dimming of the sun, we can become brittle and angry or very sad. There’s so much grief with this and it’s healing to welcome it and experience it.

Many women tell me that they’ve lost their libido, feeling beautiful or sexy or any interest in intimacy and sex. Our sexual energy is our life force energy. This can affect our moods, energy levels, happiness and brain. What to do about this? There’s lots of ways to help you get aligned and integrated and it all begins with you trusting you ~ your body, your heart, your spirit and your mind. Until we begin to trust ourselves again, nothing can shift.

I invite you to experiment with the practice described in this video. We have great wisdom in our pelvic bowl, our womb, which is the source of life. And our hearts are radiant with love. When the womb and heart are in communication and communion trust emerges. Tenderness for yourself can arise, tears may flow, anger may erupt. Whatever your experience, welcome it and trust it, let it lead you to where you need to go.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer and Sex ~ Good Grief!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Earlier this week I was a guest on the Good Grief radio show hosted by Cheryl Jones. We talked for an hour about what can occur related to cancer and sex and intimacy. It was a powerful conversation and I invite you to listen to it.

Some of the highlights of our conversation:

♥ How the unexpected nature of the impact of sexual difficulties can feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back

♥ Why health care providers don’t talk about cancer and sex

♥ Some ways to get in touch with your grief and other feelings

♥ Evolving on the cancer journey and what that means

As always I welcome your comments and questions, so please feel free to be in conversation with me about this.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Cancer and Sex ~ A New Kind of Valentine

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Cancer and Sex, Breast Cancer, Emotional and Spiirtual Healing After Breast Cancer, Cancer and Hope, Nature cancer and sensuality, love and sex and cancer

Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark card extravaganza. It seems like the standard keeps getting higher and higher, and more and more expensive. And for those of us who are single, it’s easy to feel a little down. And with cancer in the picture, it may not feel like a time for hearts and flowers, much less intimacy and sex. Cancer and Sex in the same sentence can feel like an oxymoron.

What to do???

Take a new lover. Let nature be your lover. What do I mean by that? Take a walk in a beautiful place. As you walk, imagine that nature is loving you in each moment ~

  • With every step, feel the earth caressing and kissing your feet
  • Feel the air or breeze on your skin and know that the element of air is kissing you
  • Open your ears to hear the birds or other animals and know that they are singing their song for you
  • Sniff the scents of the earth, trees and flowers, knowing that nature wants to delight you with her aromas
  • Open your mouth and breathe in the air and notice what it tastes like, and know that this is to bring pleasure to your mouth
  • Look with new eyes, as if you are gazing upon your lover, and see the gorgeous sights that delight your visual sense
  • Imagine that it’s all designed for your pleasure and love, and know that nature is always expressing its love for you

I have made this practice part of my life, most days and in each season. When I swim I feel enveloped by the water’s love and generosity and feel its silkiness on my skin, especially if I swim naked. When I ski, I know that the snow is on the ground to reach up embrace my skis and me. When I feel the warmth of the sun on my body, it feels like a lover enveloping me. And the flowers! Flowers are the sex organs of plants, and they shamelessly and abundantly reach out to me as I stand among them. The scents of the flowers seduce and intoxicate me.

Love and sex are all around us and this is the very energy of life. When we have cancer we can become more aware of what’s important and what’s not, and what matters. Life has a sweetness and immediacy to it that we might not have experienced before. When we can attune ourselves to the rhythms and flows of nature, the very life force energy that is constantly expressing, it can be a very sensual, intimate and sexual experience. Many people on the cancer journey feel like their sex life is over. Cancer and sex can take many forms. Open your mind and heart to receive new inspirations.

I invite you to create a new context for Valentine’s Day this year. It doesn’t cost a dime and doesn’t require a lover, although you can share this with your lover if you have one. Make this Valentine’s Day a celebration of you, sensuality, intimacy and sexuality with your lover nature. It can create an entirely new experience of cancer and sex.

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Dreaming Up a Sexy and Hot 2016!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

As 2015 comes to an end and the moon is full, it’s the perfect time to create your dreams for the new  year. You do that by consciously choosing thoughts that create the experiences you want to have. This is the secret to a great life ~ knowing that your thoughts are the foundation of your experiences.

Watch this video to give you some inspiration and ideas for what you want to create, and then let us know by sharing your visions and dreams below.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

My Favorite Lubes for Cancer, Sexuality, Menopause and Vaginal Dryness

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

 

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays Blog, Cancer and Sexuality, Intimacy After Cancer

Let’s Talk About Cancer, Sex and Lubes

Last weekend I was at a cancer conference and a colleague presented about lubricants for use by cancer patients and survivors. There was some good information given and some wrong information given. I shared that there’s an article about lubricants on my website www.sexyaftercancer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Guidlines-for-Selecting-Lubricants.pdf.

Check out the article. It talks about ingredients to avoid in lubricants, how to choose a lubricant and has a chart about several different lubes including pH, intended use, and safety with latex, and rubber.

Please do NOT use Replens. Many health care providers recommend it, and it contains Purified Water, Glycerin, Mineral Oil, Polycarbophil, Carbomer 934P, Hydrogenated Palm Oil Glyceride, Sorbic Acid, Methylparaben, Sodium Hydroxide. Glycerin may injure kidneys at high concentrations per OSHA; Carbomer 934P is manufactured using benzene. Methylparaben has suspected estrogenic effects; sodium hydroxide is another term for lye. This product is questionable for vaginal use and widely prescribed. You have many much better options. Read on!

People asked me about my recommendations and I have several, listed here in no particular order:

  • I love Sex Butter! This product is formulated using plant-based oils and there’s something about it that really works for me. When I use this with a partner and we take the time to thoroughly apply and massage it into my tissues and “warm me up”, I really enjoy penetrative sex play with NO pain. This is a big deal and I am a shameless poster girl for this product. Using Sex Butter regularly has helped to heal my vaginal dryness and tenderness.

I invite you to try it out. Here’s my affiliate link, if you use this I will gratefully receive a small commission.

Http://tinyurl.com/sexbutter

The only caveat with this product is that it’s not for use with latex, rubber or plastic toys because of the oils. If you try this product, let me know how you like it, and you will be supporting a good friend’s business.

  • Sliquid Organics Botanically Infused is another favorite choice. This lube is a moisturizing lube, which means that it aids in returning moisture to vulvar and vaginal tissue. Many women experience vaginal dryness and atrophy as a result of cancer treatments (chemo and hormonal therapies especially). This product is latex, rubber and plastic friendly. I use it daily externally and internally to keep my tissues moist and soft. I use it right along with Sex Butter.
  • Aloe Cadabra has organic aloe vera as the main ingredient. The high concentration of aloe makes it soothing. This one is also latex, rubber and plastic friendly.
  • Almost Naked Personal Lubricant by Good Clean Love contains 95% organic and natural ingredients. It’s also latex, rubber and plastic friendly. The only thing I don’t like about this product is that it gets a little too sticky after about 15 minutes. For me, this can cause some friction that doesn’t feel good. I can remedy this with a little spray bottle of water, but that can get a bit messy. If you like water sports, that may not be an issue for you.
  • Sliquid Silk Intimate Hybrid Lubricant contains vegan ingredients and also some silicone. Silicone makes tissues slippery, which can be a big benefit with penetrative sex play. This product is formulated to provide moisture and then to seal in the moisture with the silicone.

If you find this helpful, please share it with others. And let me know your experience and also what products you like. I’m always researching for great new information to share and your experience is a big help with this.

© 2015 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.