October 19, 2017

Saying Farewell

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Cancer and Sex, Breast Cancer, Emotional and Spiirtual Healing After Breast Cancer, Cancer and Hope, Nature cancer and sensuality, love and sex and cancer

My Dear Ones,

The past few years have brought many changes and surprises to my world. That seems to be true for so many people I talk with – the roller coaster of life has been like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Good friends, meaningful work, fine health, all infused with a lot of love and laughter, have been my treasures.

For several years I’ve been contemplating how to navigate Sexy After Cancer. It’s been a crucible for growth and evolution and I’ve achieved many milestones including writing a book, speaking at many national cancer conferences, teaching at nursing schools and grand rounds, creating cool programs and working individually with extraordinary people. Challenges and joy have come along with grief, loss and sadness. It’s been full-on and I’ve grown in ways I never imagined. And the people I’ve met have inspired me in so many ways. Lucky me!

In my meditations, writing and prayers for guidance I’ve gotten some clarity. It’s time for Act Three in my life. At least, that’s assuming there’s a third of life to live! I don’t yet know how it will unfold. What I do know is that it requires freedom and space. I’m following divine guidance to clear the decks in my life and that means wrapping up Sexy After Cancer. It’s exhilarating and scary and it’s what’s next.

In the next few weeks www.sexyaftercancer.com will disappear. The Sexy After Cancer Facebook page will be retired along with that Twitter handle. I’ll have less screen time and cyber stimulation and more time for meditation, bike riding and walks in beautiful places. I’m open for life to unfold in all the wondrous and mysterious ways it does.

Thank you for all the ways you have inspired me, allowed me to serve you, challenged me and loved and supported me. I’m grateful and love you all!

© 2017 Barbara Musser, all rights reserved.

YSC Summit is This Weekend in Oakland

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

Dear Ones,

This weekend, March 10-12, is the annual Young Survival Coalition Summit. This year it’s here on the west coast at the Oakland Marriott City Center. Click here for info and to register:  https://summit.youngsurvival.org/Sessions.

This conference is consistently great and is filled with women diagnosed with breast cancer under age 40, their co-survivors, wonderful speakers and events and fabulous exhibits. Last year there were 600 attendees! It’s definitely an event to attend if you’re in the area.

I will be exhibiting this year. It’s a sexy photo booth and I’m fund raising for the annual Tour de Pink ride, which is the major fund raiser for YSC. If you’d like to know more about it or to make a donation to me and the Sexy After Cancer team, use this link: https://west.ysctourdepink.org/BarbaraMusser.

Everything YSC does is empowering and inspiring. I’m a big fan and have spoken at several conferences and attended many as well.

If you’re local to the Bay Area, stop by and come see me. There are some fun surprises at my booth and you may be inspired and empowered as well. 🙂

© 2017 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

 

Give Yourself A Holiday Gift!

Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays, Cancer and Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy

 

sexy after cancer, cancer and sexuality, cancer and intimacy, sex after cancer

As a longtime sex educator and breast cancer survivor, my path gives me the great gift of talking with many women about their sex lives before, during and after cancer diagnosis and treatment. I hear some stories of inspiration and hope, and many more of frustration and pain. A familiar story goes something like this: “My sex life was okay before cancer/I took my sex life for granted. Now I’d rather stick a needle in my eye than have sex with my partner because it’s so painful. My libido has gone missing and I don’t know how to get it back or if I even want to…”

It’s heart wrenching. At the same time, our sexual energy is our life force energy. It’s the energy of life and living, of pleasure and orgasm and oxytocin. Whether it’s a distant memory or the subject of your fantasies, sex is part of life. The question is what can be done to recover it.

Go figure why this has become my life’s passion, to help women find their way back to sexual health and pleasure. It’s time for this conversation to come into the light of day. I aim to turn on the lights and bring more pleasure to your life.

The chasm from where you may be now, to having sex, may seem as enormous as the Grand Canyon. Depending on your treatment and ongoing hormonal therapy, you may have a Sahara Desert inside your genitals. The treatments are designed to suppress any hormone production, and that also dries out and tenderizes genital tissues.

Hormones are part of the story, but not the whole story. There are plenty of things to do that can help. It begins with some of the sex education that you probably never got. For example, you have nerve endings and plenty of erectile tissue that doesn’t depend on hormones and isn’t in your vagina. Did you know that?

Over the decades since my own cancer diagnosis at age 37, I’ve been researching and gathering all sorts of information and tools. And of course, I’ve had to test them all – lucky me!

I’m teaming up with the creator of one of my favorite products to share this wisdom. We’ve created a 6-week online course, Opening Pandora’s Box ~ The Sex Education You Never Got. Our vision is for women to experience:

  • Improved sexual pleasure
  • Better sex with your partner (if you have one)
  • Deeper understanding of what feels good to you
  • Once again (or for the first time) get to know your body
  • Enjoy self-pleasuring
  • Experience relief from vaginal and sexual pain
  • Have more fun again (both in and out of the bedroom)

This class is a pilot and we are limiting it to 30 women. We are offering the class at this one time only price of $97 so we can work closely with all participants and get feedback.

Use the link below to learn more about the class and to register. We begin on January 18 and go for 6 weeks. Be one of our 30!

www.opendingpandorasbx.com

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Cancer, Movement and Sex

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

A wonderful new discovery about cancer, movement and sex! I’ve begun to train for the YSC Tour de Pink ride in October, which is a fund raiser for the Young Survival Coalition. Lots of time in the saddle is rough on my vulva and “bits” and I get numb and tingly, not in a good way. So I’ve been doing some vulva massage with oil or lotion to soothe my achiness. As I do it and my tissue relaxes and wakes up, it feels great! The massage isn’t intended to turn me on or get me aroused, but that is a by-product. Who knew? I’ve discovered yet another sensual pleasure. I made a video about it, so take a look and tell me what you think.

The link to support me in the Tour de Pink ride is also below. Please consider making a donation to support my ride as I support this fabulous organization!

https://west.ysctourdepink.org/BarbaraMusser

cancer, sex and movement Click on this link to see the video!

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

We Simply Don’t Know ~ Random Thoughts on Sex and Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer, Sexy Saturdays Blog, Cancer and Sex

It’s been a week since my amazing friend Michele died. It was sudden and much too soon. She was a truly bright light in the world. A Reichian therapist, Michele is the one who ruthlessly and tirelessly supported me in expressing my emotions, my sexuality and the power of my orgasms. We laughed, cried, danced and shook through life like a sudden thunderstorm rolling in. We saw each other completely and we often talked about cancer and sex, about being a woman and sex, about living an orgasmic life. When we got together, tears came first because we loved each other so deeply.

Now she’s gone. The night she died I lay awake most of the night, feeling her around me, laughing and crying. At 3:30 AM I was jolted awake in the middle of a big orgasm. “That’s Michele,” I knew it. When I got up, I got the news that she took her last breath at about 3:15. I believe that she went out orgasmically.

Now more than ever, I am inspired and committed to Sexy After Cancer. This conversation is getting stronger and it’s past time for those with cancer to know that great sex is possible. You are not broken! Things are different and it’s now important to get to know your body in this state. That’s the opportunity and it’s time to get curious and open to discover pleasure in new ways.

Some of the latest research on sex and arousal shows that we have dual controls: an accelerator and brakes. We all have both and they work to either support or suppress each other. For example, one of the biggest brakes is thinking that there’s something wrong with us sexually. Cancer and treatments can result in feeling that something is very wrong sexually. That’s because the changes are sudden and traumatic, especially if we weren’t told things would change. So, many of us slammed on the brakes and don’t know what to do.

The key is to learn about accelerators and brakes, about about how to activate our accelerators and deactivate our brakes. This is good news because we can do this. When we begin to experiment with this, we explore pleasure and embodiment from a different place and perspective. We begin with discovering what your brakes are and how to deactivate them. We also explore your accelerators and how to activate them.

What I’m passionate about is finding the ways to help you recover your life force energy because that’s what sexual energy is ~ life force energy. It’s your mojo, your pleasure, your life! Let’s explore this together so that you feel sexy after cancer. The bottom line is that we simply don’t know how much longer we’ll be here. Thanks to my friend Michele, I know this and I also know that it’s always the right time to live fully and experience all the pleasure we can in as many ways as we can think of.

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Getting Your Sexy Back with Breast Cancer

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Dear Friends,

I’ve just completed an hour-long show with Breast Friends, all about body image and self-esteem, loss of sensation as a result of lumpectomy and radiation or mastectomy, how chemo and hormonal therapies impact libido, how to get your sexy back and much more. We covered many bases in an honest and real conversation. I’m including the link here so that you can listen to the conversation because it was that good! Please feel free to download and listen at your convenience, and feel free to share it. It’s full of solutions to many of the challenges to sexual function that happen as a result of cancer treatments.

Do yourself a favor and educate yourself about your own body and pleasure. Most of us didn’t have good sex education early on and weren’t taught about pleasure. There is so much pleasure to be experienced and cancer is a great opportunity to learn about that.

Sexy After Cancer?

If you have questions or comments, ask them here and I’ll respond as quickly as I can.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer and Sex ~ You’re Not Broken!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

I can’t count the number of times someone has told me that their sex life feels very broken after cancer diagnosis and treatment. Cancer and sex in the same sentence seem like an oxymoron. Sudden big changes to libido and sexual function can feel like an earthquake, and one that’s unexpected. Then it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack to discover tools and resources to help.

It’s not over unless you say it is. Yes, things have changed. Yes, there may be pain and fear, sadness and grief. The first thing to do is feel your feelings. Yell if you want to, whatever it takes to get the feelings out. Then there’s a little space to know that you’re not broken even though everything is different. Change is inevitable over the course of our lives, and there have been and will be more sexual changes.

It’s time to explore new horizons. Check out the resources on this website. Call me. This is my passion. I understand, I’m here and I want you to have a wonderful sex life. Watch this little video for some inspiration and ideas.

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

 

Cancer, Your Body, Trust and Love

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

So many of us disconnect from ourselves at different times when we are coping with cancer, treatments, side effects, side effects of side effects, trauma and grief. It’s the experience of losing our essence or forgetting our essence and then forgetting that we’ve forgotten. I believe that it’s crucial to reconnect with our essential self and to discover what our essence has to reveal to us. The dimming of our essence is like the dimming of the sun, we can become brittle and angry or very sad. There’s so much grief with this and it’s healing to welcome it and experience it.

Many women tell me that they’ve lost their libido, feeling beautiful or sexy or any interest in intimacy and sex. Our sexual energy is our life force energy. This can affect our moods, energy levels, happiness and brain. What to do about this? There’s lots of ways to help you get aligned and integrated and it all begins with you trusting you ~ your body, your heart, your spirit and your mind. Until we begin to trust ourselves again, nothing can shift.

I invite you to experiment with the practice described in this video. We have great wisdom in our pelvic bowl, our womb, which is the source of life. And our hearts are radiant with love. When the womb and heart are in communication and communion trust emerges. Tenderness for yourself can arise, tears may flow, anger may erupt. Whatever your experience, welcome it and trust it, let it lead you to where you need to go.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer, Sex and The Wisdom of the Womb

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Last weekend I was at the YSC Summit for women diagnosed with breast cancer before age 40. We were 600+ strong and the morning on Saturday was devoted to cancer and sex. Three of us (me, Kristen Carpenter from Ohio State University and Sabitha Pillai-Freedman from Widener University) gave Ted-type talks on different aspects of cancer and sex ~ body changes, what science says and communication. Then we had an open Q&A session, which was very lively. Later I hosted a discussion group for single women to talk about cancer, sex, dating and going forward with life.

These women were completely inspiring in so many ways. In the breakout group many women said they feel disconnected from their bodies and that libido and sexual feelings have gone missing. We did a brief practice to get in touch with the wisdom contained in our womb. Here’s how:

♥ Stand with your feet a little wider than hip-width apart. Put your hands on your hips. Slowly rotate your hips in one direction for several rotations, then the other direction. While you do this, focus your attention on your pelvic bowl, the area that is contained within the pelvic ones and pelvic floor muscles. Imagine that you can see and feel your pelvic bowl as you move your hips.

♥ Continue standing and place one hand on your low belly and the other on your heart. Feel the connection between your heart and your pelvic bowl. Imagine bringing the energy of love from your heart down into the pelvic bowl, and imagine it’s like a beautiful golden light that illuminates the bowl.

♥ Using that love light, look around the inside of your pelvic bowl. Notice any places that are rough, torn, bruised, frozen or missing. Shine your love light on those areas and feel the light of your love healing your pelvic bowl and making it whole again.

♥ Keeping your attention and love on your pelvic bowl, ask what it needs from you to feel whole and alive. Listen to what comes to you as you tune in to your inner wisdom and the wisdom of your womb.

♥  When you feel complete, make a few notes in your journal. If you have received actions to take, commit to taking those actions. This time I heard that daily dancing and moving my hips will keep my womb alive and happy.

I’ve been dancing every day since returning home from the summit. I can feel my sexual energy, my life force energy, flowing more strongly. This makes me feel very happy and sexy.

I invite you to give yourself the gift of discovering your womb wisdom. You may find that cancer provides a portal to connecting in new ways to your experiences of intimacy and sex, whether you have a partner or not. It’s a beautiful thing to love yourself and radiate that energy.

Here’s to you and your beautiful spirit and to feeling sexy!

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.

Cancer and Sex ~ Good Grief!

Barbara Musser, Sexy Saturdays blog, breast cancer, intimacy after breast cancer, breast cancer and sensuality, cancer and sex

Earlier this week I was a guest on the Good Grief radio show hosted by Cheryl Jones. We talked for an hour about what can occur related to cancer and sex and intimacy. It was a powerful conversation and I invite you to listen to it.

Some of the highlights of our conversation:

♥ How the unexpected nature of the impact of sexual difficulties can feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back

♥ Why health care providers don’t talk about cancer and sex

♥ Some ways to get in touch with your grief and other feelings

♥ Evolving on the cancer journey and what that means

As always I welcome your comments and questions, so please feel free to be in conversation with me about this.

 

© 2016 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog reflects my personal opinions. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer.